Blossoming Blooms

I am blooming.

Oddly enough, although my mind has been churning and bubbling with thoughts and ideas and things that I just really finally just need to sit down and write, I haven’t been feeling too bloggy as of late.

My last posts were throwbacks in regards to the previous births of both of my children. Oh my how they have grown. There were quite a few throwbacks that week and I was very busy party planning and cleaning and starting back at work.

This is the start of my favorite time of the year.

But this is also the time of year that marks one year anniversaries of things. I have been very reflective as of late. The transformations that have been made over the past twelve months, over the past 18 months, have been, at the very least, dramatic and exhilarating.

I’m sure there is some sort of saying in regards to not thinking that your past is totally behind you too soon because it can also show up to haunt you, but I don’t know what it might be, but I feel it wise and prudent to continuously be cautious.

I have learned so much.

I have continuously grown in: experience; wisdom; age; skill; patience; humility; and most importantly, as a person, over the past year, which has been trying and tumultuous. I have been stumbling unassisted trying to focus on my footing and I am finally starting to feel like I might have found it. I haven’t reached a full level of stability just quite yet, but I am letting my roots spread and crawl out as I flourish and grow. I have come a long way and I am thriving.

Fall is, at least for me, the homiest time of year. Autumn is filled with wonderful food and warm colors and everything about it is wonderful. I have filled my home with my delicious smelling pumpkin spice candles, I am heartily enjoying delicious pumpkin spice beer when I go out and about, and my sweater dresses are pulled out and ready to be worn. I have a very strong connectedness to fall.

My dahlias are blooming. This is a significant occurrence. Revel in the beauty. I am.

I have also as of late been faced with some parenting challenges in the terms of Marilyn’s education. Now I know she is young, she JUST turned 5. She technically began kindergarten at 4 years old. I have seen the studies and the research; I know all of the sides of the issue, in some places they do not send their children to public school until 6 or 7. I feel that Marilyn is good and well adapted to the school environment, and besides that, keeping her home with me is not going to socialize her properly and she will not learn all of the things that she should be learning.

I feel tremendously guilty.

I am a professional and trained educator. I have years of experience in working with children. I have studied child development. I know all about early childhood literacy and how to boost children’s learning in that area. I know the importance of reading to your children every single night. I want to admit though, as a parent, although I am so trained and educated, I have been extremely lax and irresponsibly lazy in working with my child to aid and assist with her burgeoning literacy skills.

Whereas in the time BEFORE the great occurrence, I would read story after story to my child before she went to bed, every night, sometimes collapsing into an exhausted sleep beside her, hands still clutching the book. We sang songs and worked extensively on prayers and nursery rhymes. I had the time and I made the effort and devoted myself to teaching my children all of the right things.

But fast-forward to now, like I said, this has been an anniversarial time of year, the girls and I have existed in this unit that we are currently within for a full year now SINCE the great occurrence, In this year, we have moved twice, they have switched schools, we have gotten new pets, new friends, we have been building a new life. Within all of the time and the effort that I have spent consumed with my personal goals and achievements and within my striving to create a stable home for my family, I have been slacking in the reading department. We have been very transient and on an extremely flexible and busy schedule. My children have flourished in other ways. They are technologically savvy and highly creative. Both of my girls are very smart. (I feel that I am allowed to write it without seeming braggy because other people have told me so, but it makes a difference that they are mature and bright in certain ways more so than others).

As a result of: the high expectations of the school district, my slacking in working with my child and my child’s young age, Marilyn has been pegged as a low level reader. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all: she will go to an additional reading group at school with the pretty young teacher and get one on one work to help her build her skills. This may actually be a blessing in disguise.

Since she started school, she hasn’t been too thrilled with the academic aspect of it. She likes going to make new friends and all summer she was excited about the concept of it. The bus is pretty awesome. However, since she started, it has been a huge transition. I am still working on the bedtime routine and I’m trying to get them into bed at a decent hour that allows for them to get enough sleep that she is well rested at 8am when she gets up. She has never been a waker-upper and I have encountered her sleeping habits which are more like those of a lazy teenaged girl who wants to sleep all day. She doesn’t like to do her homework and whines and complains and tries to cajole her way out of it. I spend more time getting her to do her homework than she does actually doing it. 15 minutes of arguing so she will write a two letter word five times. Her life is so tough.

Mallory is doing well. She misses Marilyn when she wakes up and Marilyn isn’t here. They are best friends. I am wondering what they are doing with my high heels in the living room at this time, I think they are pretending to play store?

Both girls started dance classes at the beginning of this month and although it is a bit of an investment, so far both girls really like it. Marilyn is learning tap and ballet and Mallory is focusing more on ballet. The classes are right around the corner and at times that are back to back. I also got a Y membership recently and once winter starts I know I won’t be able to get out and about and go running, but I have to stay fit and in shape. They also have free babysitting while you take classes J so I think it is a completely worthwhile investment. I am making efforts to be more health conscious and I am getting back into better routines and habits and making active choices that will create a positive contribution towards my health. That’s the responsible thing to do.

As far as everything else? It is going well. I have been productive this week and I am really getting a lot of different things done. I am frustrated with some things and hopeful about other things, I suppose it just depends on what the topic at hand is. I have taken a bit of a break from my dating life, this is a busy time of year for me and I’m kind of burnt out from the dating scene. One of the next things I want to do for entertainment is to design a dating resume and then I want to actually try it out on a date, see how someone would react if you just handed them this explanatory fact sheet. Heh heh.

Actually, I want to focus on improving my attitudes a bit and learning to revel and appreciate. I’m also having a bit of a troublesome time finding anyone I’m interested in who is available and also interested in me. There always seems to be some sort of complication. I have been trying to improve myself and evaluate what I could offer to a potential partner (That will be another blog).  I didn’t think I would ever be single for this long, but it is starting to feel kind of comfortable. It still isn’t my ideal situation by far, I’m getting kind of antsy to be part of a larger family and to have a partner in crime in life but I’m not about to settle and I am working on lowering my expectation, but not too much. 

I just want to be happy. I just want to be loved. I just want to fall in love.

That isn’t too much for a lady to ask for is it?