All She Wrote

Today was a day.

Whooooooaaaaaaa boy was it a day.

Firstly, today marked two years since my life was tainted in a major way. For those of you who know me and were there to witness the great downfall of ridiculousness, you understand. I woke up after deep reflection of what a changed person I have become as a result of such. I am a strong capable woman able to withstand ANYTHING life presents to me. And I did. And I prevailed. And I have built a beautiful castle over the ruins of what was.



And you know what, I am happy. I am healthy. My children are thriving. Life is good. Life is stable.

Life is beautiful.

And more and more everyday, beauty and wonderfulness pours in. And I have learned new ways of being healthy and me and basking in the greatness that is everything. I am helping and healing those around and affected by me in so many ways, and it is beautiful and wonderful and it is WORKING.

When we move on and away from the past of what was, of the challenges we have faced, only then can we learn new ways of being. And I see this happening and I am practicing.

Today, however, presented to me other life challenges.

We cannot fully go forward with skeletons in the closet. And this is not a skeleton, but rather more of something that has been building in force for a long time. It has come to be my part in the journey to help others catch up {really, who am I to be doing all the miraculous life healing???}

I have this wonderful sweet amazing person who I call my sister. She burns with the same brightness that I do inside and I know she is capable of amazing and wonderful things.

My beautiful Rainbow sister showing off my gifts of crystals

But when we cannot get past the hurt and when we cycle through motions of destructiveness, we only build up the pain we keep inside.

She has been hurting for a long long long time.

This morning I awoke, reflective on the day, thinking of how things had gone and how my life had changed.

And she called.

And as some of you may know, I've kept a distance. Quite the distance. She's been her own whirlwind of a force for a long time.

But when she called me today, she needed her sister. She needed someone who was only ever willing to help her. And I love her. She is made of the same ingredients, we are just different recipes. I saw her recently and I presented my help, my love, as an option to her.

So I answered to that call and I subjected myself into her world of being.

Truth be told, I haven't spent this much time with her in a long long long long time.

But recently I knew that some decisions must be made. And today those things came to a head.

I am the only one who can help her and do what needs to be done.

I will do it all out of love. 

And today I helped her every step of the way in what she needs to do to help herself. But she's scared, and hurt, and can't do it alone.  This I witnessed, very much so. (I am SO good at managing chaos I might add, and if I had a nickel for every police officer I've encountered today- well, I might not be that rich, but I'd have some heavy pocket change.)

So decisions were made and shots were called and I did what was right for her, which will allow her to heal and to love the person that she is.

She will need the love and support of everyone. She needs to heal and to learn a new way to be, free from any of her previous drama or bad decision making. 

I ask of you, dear reader, to send out your positive prayers and love into the Universe to meet her on this journey. Her name is Nicole.

She is not a bad person. She is riddled by a lifetime of hurt and with a body and brain that do not operate quite the same as others' may. She is amazing though, and can cook with passion and style hair in ways I never would have imagined. She is amazingly intelligent and good at networking. She makes new friends everywhere she goes. But when she explodes she is like a whirlwind of a volcanic tornado.

Some call it mental illness, and indeed, she has a clear diagnosis.

This post is not meant to blast her publicly or to expose anything.

But anyone who knows, well, you know how she is and has been.

This has been a long time coming, and my father, my poor father, has dealt with this long enough and literally, his heart is breaking. And my mother, oh my mother, she's on her own path of healing (and doing quite fantastically if I may say so myself!!!!! [hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] and my other sister is too young and is growing herself.

The only person left to take over is me. And I'm in the place to do so, I'm strong and well and able to face these demons that may arise. This is the responsibility that they call FAMILY.

And what I do is only ever out of love. And to turn my back or to ignore wouldn't be right.

She called me today for help, for a ride, she gave me one hell of a time. But it was worth it.
[Good thing I like to go fast I guess.]

I met lots of new people from all walks of life.
I conversed with police and workers of like.
I was blasted with the most terrible things I could hear, false or not, they hit my heart straight on.
I hysterically sobbed by the side of a building downtown, in front of traffic and passer-byers, for all to see [truth be told, it was quite humbling].
I witnessed a road completely blocked off by emergency vehicles, summoned by me.
I cried only once when the bomb unexpectedly went off.


I handled today, as I should, like a boss.


Please send your love and your thoughts and your prayers.

No one is exempt from the road that is life, and some of us encounter more sorrow and strife.

But tomorrow is new and there is always room for change.
I know, no matter what, love always remains.