That Morning Time Again

It is an early morning for me. I woke up and could not fall back asleep. First it was the pittering of what I thought was my long burning Mary candle, but no, because after I blew it out the annoying noise of the slight rain tapping on the window panes still persisted. So I lay there, overheated under the covers and tossing and turning, and Beautiful Man needs his sleep, I hate to bother him with my restlessness, so as quietly as I could I snuck out into the early morning that is.

That morning time is now.

Things are good. I am filled with bliss and wonderment that this is my life.

This is finally my life.

Things are good.

Things are right.

This is what I was working towards. This is what I was praying for. This is it. This is happiness delivered.

It is wonderful.

I look at this man sometimes, and it hits me how much he truly loves me. He loves me. He loves me enough to stand in front of the whole world and declare such a thing. As much of a pain in the ass as I always usually declare myself to be; he loves me. He will sit and watch family videos of me as a young child, and be engrossed and also entertained. He loves me.

I feel so calm lately. More sturdy. More stable. Less panicked about anything.

I did some Christmas shopping for the girls. This is the first year I will be able to spoil them with anything. We didn't unleash the hounds, by all means no, but this year is the first that I can freely purchase without financial worry. Don't worry, I married a frugal man who counts his cents much more carefully than I do. But this is what this feels like. To be secure.

Also, maybe, kind of, almost, we might be buying a house!!!

For realz. It isn't in the same city I've been in but it is 10 minutes away and affordable and super close to the park and there are many wonderfuls in regards to this future home. There are enough bedrooms we can each have an office and there is a little room to grow. It is cozy, but not tiny, and there's room to move things around and remodel for more functions as well. There is no basement and there is totally almost first floor laundry AND AND AND a laundry shoot!

It was a listing that I was hesitant to really look at because I thought it was a ranch (and I wasn't interested) but it turned out to be a split level and upon walking in the first time, he and I knew the incredible opportunity that lie ahead of us, if we wanted it to. My dad found the place and scouted out all the facts on it, so credit to him for finding it.

And I'm very excited. Very excited. This is the next chapter. It has begun. Did I know it was going to come so soon?

There are the pros of everything, and the cons of the change that has to be. I love my bedroom now. I love where I live. I love being seconds away from the lake. But seconds will be mere minutes I suppose and the space we move into we will love even more, because it will be ours, and it will feel like home. The girls will get used to a new school and will thrive and be happy and things will go smoothly.

And the baby stuff, blech, maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. I'm not holding my breath anymore.

What will be will be and all I can do is read up and educate myself and not stress about it and trudge forward in the direction of problem solving. I can come to balance my body and my mind and my spirit and just accept what is. It could just be Divine Timing, but I think it has more to do with the havoc I've wrecked on my physical body over the past few years. It might take a minute to restore my vitality. I didn't realize how many things are so damaging to fertility, like smoking and drinking and caffeine and poor dietary habits and stress! omg stress is the worst!

I read through some things and a really good book the other day and it made me realize that no matter what has happened or is happening or will happen, it will be eventually some day. Don't lose hope. Have faith. But these things are not up to what I want or what I say, this is the choice of the Universe and when things will be they will be. All I can do is saddle up the vitamin and supplement pony and ride it and enjoy the benefit of being the healthiest I've ever been in my life. If I can just get some more yoga in, I think we'll be set. And he's on board to, this is not a cruise, but our speed jet. i'll be the motivating captain and he navigates and serves the snacks and the backrubs.

It will all be alright. It will always be fine. I've got the Universe looking out for me and Beautiful Man is lovingly by my side, throughout everything and every bit.

We work together as a team, and that's the best bet I could ask for yet.

Today is pretty great. Thanksgiving was too. Life is good. It is beautiful. It is bountiful. It is GOOD.