I hate to be that asshole parent

Ugh.

I hate this. I hate it. I hate how we can be having such a great morning, such a great morning, until I open my car up and see that my children didn't follow through with the instructions I gave them after our last long-car trip, which are ALWAYS the instructions I give them after every long car trip, which is to clear out ALL of their stuff.

But they have a tendency NOT to listen. Most kids do I believe.

But in this case, this ruined the fucking mood. Not the whole morning, hopefully, but it has definitely cast a pallor of upset on everybody.

I never enjoy swearing or loudly proclaiming my anger in my driveway before 8:30am. Just not quite my style.

But it does happen, it happens when you see that your children didn't follow through and subsequently, an entire large bottle of sunblock was squished and is now covering a large majority of the backseat of my vehicle.

Then you figure, problem solve. They have to get to school ASAP and they HAVE to ride in that backseat.

Yell for them to grab a towel. So I did. Several times.

When finally a towel WAS brought, it was half wet and M1 made some attempt to wipe at the sunblock. But it didn't do anything.

Anything except GET ALL OVER HER SCHOOL PANTS WHILE SHE WAS CLIMBING OVER IT TO GET TO HER SEAT ON THE OTHER SIDE WHERE THERE IS AN AVAILABLE DOOR FOR USE

So then it is yelling at her to hurry up and get inside and change her pants, because she can't be late to school and lookat all the sunblock she has ALL OVER HER PANTS

I hate to yell at my children. I hate to make them cry. I hate it though when they don't listen very explicitly to the instructions I give them to do things. I don't ask them for much, I don't have incredibly high expectations, but I do ask that they clean up after themselves, especially in regards to my vehicle and the backseat that they spend so much time in.

Ah, the miraculousness of the Interwebs and good friends with trustworthy recommendations. There will be car detailing had today. I still need to go out there and fish out the rest of the pure garbage that is floating around, and who even cares about the shit ton of hay I still have in my trunk, not me. But I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT DEAL WITH SUN SCREEN LOTION ALL OVER MY FLIPPING BACK SEAT

This wasn't a nice blog all about the nice things that are happening. This is pure vent.

And I feel like a total asshole parent. For yelling at my kids before they go to school. For dropping them off in a lighter but still probably shitty mood, on a Monday too.

But if I had been sweeter, if I had just brushed it off, like 'no worries, who cares about this money that I wasn't expecting on having to spend on this mess that I wasn't expecting to find' then I expect that it would happen again, sooner than later.

I'm not a mean parent. I don't go out of my way to be an asshole. I feel always like I could be a 'better' parent, be more attentive, be more interactive, be more with it.

But I expose my children to a good variety of activities and extracurriculars. I go out of my way to make sure they are happy. I spoil them.

We have done so many things in the past month. So many things. Putt putting multiple times and the giant candy store and camping on the island and the carousel and historical village and the beach and out to eat and swimming and LOTS OF FUN STUFF

we just went bowling last night after I picked them up from their dad's. And he spent all day hiking around and fishing with them.

They both have Nintendo DSes and new games and they do not lack for anything. ANYTHING.

At this juncture, life is good. Life is blessed. Life is abundant.

They just got gerbils last month. I just bought them a new bookshelf for their room and then ordered ANOTHER shelf unit for their stuff. We spent good time last week decorating their room. I am planning a birthday party for them which will be at Chuck E Cheese and magnificently low key for me this year.

my children want for very little. They are good girls. They are helpful.

They do not listen clearly to what they are told to do though, and this is the frustration of the day.

Lord, please help me to find a good deal to get this car cleaned out. Please give me the strength and stamina to clear out all of the junk my children have left in there. Please let me breathe through the cracker dust that is smooshed all over the floor and please let me overlook the mess of lotion that is covering the coverage and crevices of the backseat.

Lord, please let my girls have a wonderful day, despite their morning of accountability. Please let them be open to happiness and let their days go well. Please let their moods soar and let them learn as much as they are able to. Let them know how much I love them.

Amen.