Calendar Holidays are a Sham

I cannot stand the hype of these pre-determined calendar holidays the world chooses to recognize.

Mother's Day is the next one.

This is not to say that I wouldn't love to be recognized and highly celebrated for all of the sacrifice and hard work I invest into my children 24/7 for about 10 years now.
I would adore that.

It just isn't going to happen and will never happen unless I make a big go of it.

My husband is clueless when it comes to pretty much all appropriate celebratory ways.
It is true.
If I don't explicitly explain the details of what is expected and wanted then NOTHING comes to fruition.
It has been a learning curve to discover such incapability for thoughtful planning.
Every previous opportunity has come and gone and I am learning to just remove expectations and honestly I prefer to avoid predetermined days of any sort.

I put a lot of thought into the things I plan. I put a lot of effort into the gifts I give. I give 100% of my attention and then some to whatever task I have at hand.

So when I receive anything that is obviously less than, not even like I have high expectations, but enough is enough

At what point do you decide to take reign over something and wield the power of a situation fully because you can't trust anyone else to step up and do it 1. correctly 2. AT ALL

I'm so done with holidays and anything on the calendar that FINALLY reminds people to give some credit where credit is due. My kids appreciate my existence every moment I am here to share it with them and they love me no matter what.
School prepped one child to think about me (or to color pages that she could give to me) and that inspired her to want to make me breakfast (spinach and celery salad with walnuts) the morning I was to go into school with her for a mother's breakfast (which was yesterday- time of my LIFE! she got to eat my donut bc gluten).
A library program prompted my other child to think about me bc she also designed with stamps and colored a beautiful picture made just for me.
My sister thought of me, inspired by our mother or the calendar or whatever and she wants to buy me a plant. I've asked her for more playsand for the kids and to scrub out their sandbox but then followed that up with a nevermind it doesn't matter, so no real thoughts on that.

MK can't color and no one else is going to do crafts with him and that's that. He's always appreciative that I am his mother every moment. I can tell because the way he screams at me and always wants me.His new word this week is GAH which means milk which is pretty cool because at least now he can communicate and make his intentions that much more clear. He says a lot of little words lately.

I almost feel like I should be groveling at my husband's feet for Mother's Day, because isn't it his support that allows me to be a mother in this fullest capacity? Without him I would surely be in my fast-paced game of single motherhood and constantly working outside of my home. I'm constantly working now but motherhood doesn't pay the bills (I WISH) and the ROI isn't even graphable on any chart

but this, this is work done from the heart

I just wish it didn't hurt so much to see the waves of attention the outside world expects for themselves and would expect also for me; if I were ever going to fit in or have a normative experience I suppose; but that isn't what I'm destined for

Is it a genuine experience when you have to outline and plan the whole layout and then hand it over to someone else who isn't even going to have a clue of what do with it? No. And that's not what I want.

So if I can't have a genuine delight from the truth of their hearts, I don't want anything at all. And especially not just because some calendar said to do so.

Hmfph.

That is all.