Oh boy

I am not going to post a full blog about everything that is going on. I have decided since I have woken up in the middle of the night, fully awake (don't you just hate that) that I might as well get ahead on my school work and make the most of my time.

I don't know if I like this lifestyle sans children. It's not my thing.

I'm accepting all kind thoughts and pray on because we could really use it.

I'm feeling a little bit of every not-positive emotion right now and I figure there must be something important I'm supposed to do in the long run if God is making me out to be such a strong person.

I feel like my strength is the rock and I'm keeping everyone ashore from this shit storm. I suppose it is good that I am a an optimist by nature and I'm trying to go about this an unobjectively as possible, but it's tough. Right now there isn't any sense in overthinking things or getting angry about them, because there is nothing that I can do. The countdown is on and if need be I will work my fingers away and keep my mind busy for the next couple of hours.

It leads me to think how much differently my life would be without my children. They are my life blood and my reasoning behind everything. I like school, but I wouldn't strive so hard or to achieve so much if I didn't want to provide even better for my children some day. (And private schools are going to be expensive). What kind of person would I have become? I have so much energy and free time (oh my goodness the free time) I don't think I'd have any excuse for a messy house or neglected or absent friendships. I don't know. This whole opportunity has given me a taste of a life that I'm not ready for yet. I wouldn't even care if I woke up covered in a certain little someone's pee right now, as long as that certain little someone was in my bed.

Oh what a nightmare.