Lots.
I get pretty discouraged about somethings only to be pleasantly surprised by others. And then that throws me back into the contemplation phase. I think a lot, as many of you know. I need time for my thoughts to cure, to age into something better and well, more thought out. You can NEVER think too much.
For quite some time now I have been seeking out a potential mate, short term, long term, whatever, just in general, I am trying to find a freaking boyfriend.
Now, in the past, this was never ever a difficulty and for a few reasons.
2. I had little to no standards of anything regarding what I was looking for in a boyfriend other than my opinion that he was absolutely wonderful.
3. It is easy to fall in "love". Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean do invalidate any of the things that I felt as an adolescent and teenager, however, there are many many many different types of love and teenage "infatuation" is a common ailment for most.
So, putting that out on the table, I have ended myself up into some "interesting" relationship experiences. I haven't experienced it all, and I definitely haven't had it as bad as most, but to put it lightly, I have experienced a wide range of terrible behaviors. And not just me, many people end up in colorful relationships and I have witnessed the cascade and downpour of the relationships of many of my friends as well as others. So, I know what I don't want. There's a lot that I don't want. However, I am not a negative Nancy and I do not like to focus on eveything that I DON'T like, so I choose to focus on what I do like. I have also found that it is best to be as broad as general sometimes to see what the universe delivers to you. Being specific works, but you must have persistence and lots and lots of patience, and then there is still no guarantee unless you make it happen yourself, if you are even able to. Also, if I make a list of things that I don't want, that also leaves a lot of wiggle room. I might say something like, "I don't like guys who have addictions" or "I don't like guys who have stupid hobbies". And I know, right, those aren't the best examples (I always have a difficult time coming up with examples when I need them) but what if I meet a guy who is addicted to something good? (And there are indeed good addictions) but what if that something good, like he is addicted to cleaning or feet or something highly beneficial to my lifestyle, but oh no, he ALSO addicted to internet gambling or other detrimental things. Or he is an alcoholic? And "stupid hobbies" would probably not appear on my list simply because it is a bad descriptor.
Anyhow, I am going to unleash my partial list. It is truly quite complete, however, there are some things I feel more comfortable in keeping reserved to myself. I have thought long and hard about all of this and I have worked extensively on truly deciding what would work now and in the long term as well (as I do plan on living for awhile, in Plan A, B, and C, however if the zombies come, I'm ill-equipped to survive right now). I am a decisive woman when I make my decision and I know what I want. I have been open and I am indeed open for suggestions, but I know what I like, I know what I'm open to, and besides that, I know what I want. So, I have found that if you put something out there, if you pray it to God and send out your desires, positive desires, out into the Universe, the Universe or God or Fate or however it works, will provide it to you or at least perhaps not completely what you want but what you are meant to have. I have many examples of this on many different levels, so I know it to be true. And didn't you read The Secret? So in no particular order.
My list.
1. He is taller than me. And by taller I mean he has to be over 6". I like them tall. I love love love high heels and I like my men to be taller than me all of the time. I also like men to be bigger than me. I don't want to accidentally swap out shoes. Maybe sweatpants. Once or twice. He has to be taller, stronger, bigger, just be the polar opposite of me, a womanly lady, and have lots of testosterone. Because I am majorly lacking on that and there is none of it in this household.
2. He is equally or more educated than me. Why not? I have never even had a boyfriend who had a high school diploma. I am also highly educated and have continued educational plans. It would be nice to talk to someone who actually had their own college experience and completely understood. And even better would be if he really liked to learn new things and was also always in school or taking classes for self improvement. If he could do my homework for the classes in which I suck, that would be awesome. I'm no good with numbers and I don't understand medicalese or science. I'm quick to learn but I know where I'm learning disabled at. So it is +150 points if he knows numbers, math, or other school subjects and can help me to learn such things.
3. He is technologically savvy. It's 2012. I text. I e-mail. I Skype. I barely EVER talk on the phone, and really only to people I like to talk to or business stuff. It would be really nice if he had good communication skills and was able to use a computer and a smart phone and everything. If he understood what I was talking about about computers. If I wasn't the only person in the house who had to set up all of the electronic equipment. If he could run the computer diagnostics and troubleshoot things for ME and actually do it correctly. +50 points if he can influence one of my children to become an expert computer coder.
4. He is not creepy. Perhaps this is a broad and general expectation. It never hurts to throw it in there. I am looking for a normal guy. Normal is subjective, but given the other criteria, it is not too much to ask for. I have already had a run of creepy guys and you know, when is enough enough? Some of you have heard the full story of the man who wrote the poetry about my hair or the other one who texted me incessantly for 3 days straight without any proper response from me. There are crazies out there and I seem to be a magnet for them. There are a lot of nice guys too, don't get me wrong, I have met a lot too. Just none to my particular specifications.
5. He is a business professional. No Dr's though. That is my bias. It would be nice if he had a career that was also kind of complimentary to mine and then he could be my fancy arm man candy. We could be a successful power couple and be two dynamic professionals, each on our own right. I am going for law and non-profits for children and families and am a writer. What can he do? Also, I like men in ties. I do. I have always loved to dress up in business suits and that's what I'm going to do for work and I am a fancy lady, so he should look nice for work too. I love briefcases and collared shirts! He will probably be sloppy-ish when I come across him, because most men do not have a very well developed sense of style, but I will make him look fantastic because I will maintain and care on him and he will look even better! Michelle-style! There seem to be a lot of accountants and CPA's and MBA's, JD's and all sorts of other stuff just floating around out there. I'm open to anything but just please, have something interesting and intriguing to tell me when you come home. I want to hear about your day but I don't need useless knowledge about a field that has nothing to do with anything. Or that is really boring.
6. He doesn’t have a lame or stupid hobby. This is subjective. I can deal with some hobbies. Sports (I mean, I am open, but somethings, yes, sometimes you can still be a fourteen year old boy, because you and them are probably the only people who find enjoyment in some things). are doable. I don't know anything about sports really but I am open and have slight aptitude for some! Other things that I think are lame I will not list but I mean, working out is a GOOD hobby. Chess is GOOD hobby. Traveling is GOOD hobby. Wine tasting is a GOOD hobby. Reading is a GOOD hobby. Gambling is a BAD hobby. Cocaine is a BAD hobby. Drinking all of the time, BAD hobby. Drinking on weekends, GOOD hobby. Working, GOOD hobby. On that note.
7. He is a workaholic. Workaholic falls under a few categories. Firstly, he will like to work, he will enjoy his profession and his field and he will be working hard to build himself up professionally. He will have good work ethics. Work will also keep him busy and busy men are even better. Also, I am a workaholic and anything less to me, means you are lazy. Now I can expect that from some men, yes, because there are passable excuses. However, you have your own career to pursue and I also have my things to do. I am a busy woman myself.
8. No cars. By no cars, I mean I do not want him to know overwhelmingly much, anything about cars. That is what mechanics do. He will not be a mechanic. Handy perhaps sometimes with things in the house, but not a handy-handy man. But passably handy.
9. He makes more money than me. He will anyhow because meeting the other criteria of education (#2) and professional employment (#5), he will have some sort of good job. He has to HAVE a job. LOOKING for a job is not acceptable. Also he will be a workaholic (#7) and he will be well paid for whatever it is that he does. Studies have shown that relationships get very messed up when the woman grosses in more than the man does. Also, I will be making good money in the future (hopefully) but not as much as I potentially could be. Private school is expensive.
10. He is honest. Even if there is something that he doesn’t want to tell me, he will never lie about it. He will never lie to me at all. The only acceptable exception to this is if I am being lied to because I am going to get a super awesome surprise or something. Other lies, not okay.
11. He is straightforward. This also connects to the honesty thing. Even if he doesn’t want to tell me something because he anticipates a negative reaction, he will still tell me and tell me efficiently and effectively. He will not mislead me on anything. He will never tell me he can or will do something and then renege on that statement later on. He will be straightforward and follow through. This statement also applies elsewhere.
12. He is not a criminal. Or ever was. I am not.
13. He is a responsible grown adult citizen. He pays his taxes. He responsibly votes. He pays his bills on time. He has morals and follows ethical guidelines for behavior.
14. He is self sufficient and knows how to take care of himself. He can do his own laundry. He can clean his own home. He can make his own dr’s appointments. He can find a way to feed himself.
15. He is comfortable living in a working chaos. Working chaos means a cluttered or messy environment. OCD or super clean people have a hard time. I suppose I could tolerate someone with OCD only if they are going to do my cleaning for me.
16. He can handle drama. ‘nough said?
17. He does not overreact to things. See the next point.
18. He is logical and rational and patient. More logical than I. Able to point out holes in my logic. Rational and able to strategically plan. Patience is a virtue.
19. He has faith and would willingly attend church services.
20. He is a man who believes in the institution of marriage and not only that, but can point out the benefits of marriage. For the strength of a family unit and the validation of a relationship and you know, the tax breaks.
21. He is kind. And wonderful. Kind to me. Kind to my children. Kind to strangers and animals. He is not rude or crass but always kind. Respectful.
22. He is not judgmental. It is not our place to judge.
23. He keeps an open mind and is always willing and ready to try new things. Lots and lots of new things and ideas.
24. He is persistent and possibly even stubborn. That is the only way you are going to survive around this place. You haven’t even met my super stubborn mini me yet.
25. He is intelligent and intellectual. Nerds apply here. I am intelligent and intellectual, he should be as well.
26. He possesses superior writing abilities with impeccable grammar and sentence construction. Good spelling ability is also an essentiality. Bad spelling and grammar are my biggest pet peeves. Ever.
27. He loves animals. I have two cats and a dog. And children are similar to animals except they are little people. It is a plus if he has a dog even so that my dog would have a friend and it also shows that he can be a responsible adult and take care of a another living being. Unless it is a silly little dog that makes me question his masculinity. Cats kind of take care of themselves and men with cats are kind of weird. He also has to be open to the idea of pets in the bed. Everybody is doing it these days. Those with allergies need not apply.
28. He is sarcastic. He has a heightened ability towards sarcasm in his everyday humor, his writing and his way of being. Not overly sarcastic to indicate a general pessimism in life, but rather the fun type. He isn’t too serious.
29. He is ambitious and motivated towards a greater good.
30. He loves nature. He loves the flowers that I plant outside. He likes hiking in the park, swimming in the lake, taking my dog for a walk, watching the sunset, going camping in the summer. I do.
31. He is fit. Average shape is fine but it is not okay if you cannot take proper care of yourself and do not believe in exercise or taking care of your health.
32. He doesn’t have any children. But he will love love love mine and will want one of his own someday. I’m already a baby mama and I don’t need any more baby mama drama. Also, I think men who already have children of their own have predetermined ideas about parenting and I feel like I would judge a man with a child on his parenting in many ways and that he would judge me. I don’t want to be the Brady bunch either.
33. He has a sense of humor and can make me laugh. This is not at the top of the list although it should be.
34. He has excellent communication skills. We will communicate without words, that is how awesome it will be. He will call me back in a timely manner. Text me back even when he’s busy. Return my e-mails in a dedicated fashion. I won’t get into the non-verbal communication stuff, but that will be super amazing as well.
35. He is never critical. Ever. Honest constructive criticism is acceptable only when asked for.
36. He will never complain about my cooking. Ever. To complain about it is to lose it forever.
37. He will never tell me that I think too much. He will tell me to think more and inspire me to do so. He will push the limits of my imagination and my ability for intellectual capacity.
38. He is a good listener.
39. He will genuinely like me and be interested in what I have to say. One would think that this would be a pre-requisite but in many cases this is what goes to the wayside first and then never returns.
40. He gets along with my family. He doesn’t have to like them or be best friends with them, but he will be willing and sociable and wonderful.
41. He never critiques my parenting or acts as the parent to my children. I am the evil step mother and he is the huntsman who works for both teams. They are my children and I have the ultimate say so. They need a strong father figure but they already have a father who takes an active role in their life. They need someone to weather them from the storm essentially. Someone to listen to them and talk to them and do fun things with them, to be their friendly wonderful caregiver.
42. He knows how to play the game and he is ready and willing to pull out the right hand when needed. He will lavish me with whatever he will. Whether it be chocolate or fine jewelry or flowers or whatever else have you. He will know what works for what.
43. He inspires me to be a better person.
44. He cleans.
45. He is faithful.
46. He is perceptive.
47. He is intuitive.
48. He will have had his own share of drama. I meet a ton of nice guys who are super nice because they have never experienced any life drama. He needs to be tough and able to weather a storm. People cannot truly understand what it is like to go through hell until they have been there themselves. Life happens and you don’t know until it happens to you.
49. He will have the ability to grow abundant manly body hair. I love beards and manly chest hair.
50. He will have a zombie survival plan. I do.
So I think 50 items is a good starting list.
My personal one is a bit longer because it ups the limiters a certain degree.
This is an abbreviated but annotated list of the qualities I am seeking in a potential mate. I don’t think at all that I am being too picky and I have the deck stacked against me enough as is already.
Comment away if need be, but I know what’s up.
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