I am trying this new thing where I am rewarding myself for all of the work that I have been doing that is tedious and not quite favorable with time spent doing other things I enjoy, such as playing games on the iPad or going to a workout class. I reward myself with a workout.....that's not weird or anything.
I worked my tail off last week though and today I laid in bed most of the day. It was not my intention but when I woke up just short of noon, I thought, eh, getting out of bed is overrated. I don't really have anything to do today. So I splurged and spent $5 on a strategy game for the iPad involving settlement building (my favorite!) and laid in bed all day playing it. I also spent some time maintaining Marilyn's dragon world as well. I think she appreciated my efforts. I have been craving the Sims a little bit as well but I didn't feel that urge strongly enough today. That game doesn't involve laying in bed, it is more of a sitting-in-front of the computer all night type of thing. I am going to build the dream restaurant though that I discussed with a good friend of mine the other day.
I have dreams of being an entrepreneur. I really do. If I hadn't gotten accepted to graduate school, I was going to open a cloth diapering service. Bet your bottom dollar. I had my research all done, my business plan written out, I was determined. And every so often I get these great ideas in my head that I just fixate upon and I have to write it out or get it imagined in some way shape or form. I told my good friend about my idea and she herself had had a very similar idea. So I had to acquiesce and back off of anything else. I don't want to step upon shared dreams that she dreamed first. Plus her idea is so much more thought out and precise and really good. With a drive-through. Surprisingly that is one of the most important parts.
My bedroom has not been this clean in at least a month. It's all vacuumed (with the NEW vacuum, so there is 85% LESS dog hair floating around than before) and I even mopped the floor and removed the equivalent of 3 laundry baskets full of dirty laundry. I no longer have any free hangers (it is amazing how that happens when I hang my clothes up in my closet) and wouldn't you know, I still cannot find my other tennis shoe. This is really driving me crazy that I cannot find one shoe, I do not know where it may have traveled and I am 90% sure my children are the primary suspects in this crime. They are always messing around with my shoes and wearing them and traveling them around the house.
I'm not really sure what the purpose of this blog is other than I felt like writing, so I'm doing it.
I do want to say that I am proud of myself, I can see the shift and I can feel how I'm sliding back into a new/old me. It's good. I'm taking the high and mighty road, not being so impulsive, thinking things through a bit more. Evaluating the consequences of my possible decisions. Biting my tongue.
Is this just called growing up?
I mean, don't get me wrong, I still go out, I still have fun, I still sometimes drink just a little bit too much (who me? NEVER!) but I'm mellowing down again. This is evidenced by my propulsion towards my computerly activities (I'm not a nerd or anything) and my research and the massive amounts of reading I have been doing lately. I mean, I suppose I do need to get out to satisfy that social need of human interaction, and I have fun when I go out and meet new people, but lately I feel much more satisfied with staying in. Going to bed early. Staying up all night doing research.
What is wrong with me? What am I morphing into? What kind of creature am I?
I think I'm just so burnt out and frustrated that perhaps I have given up for the moment and I'm just focusing on everything else that is important. I don't really have time right now to mess around and I don't really feel like going down the list of who I am and what I do and my whole story. It is a lot of work and I don't really want that on my list of things to do. I just don't. Plus, I feel perfectly happy and satisfied with not. Which is weird, because yeah, maybe I am a little bit boy(man) crazy. Maybe I always have been. Maybe that's why this phase (as I will call it) feels so weird but yet so wonderful. I'm not staying up all night doing anything else... so I might as well read or transcribe my research. Soon I will start the hardcore LSAT studying. I desperately need to get a better score next time around and as soon as I feel (which will be pretty soon) I am going to have to dedicate many hours towards preparation for the test. So I mean, I have legitimate things I am doing with my time other than wasting it on men that aren't suitable for me. And to be honest, I realize I am this dynamic woman, and I don't want to waste my time. If someone falls into my lap and wants to give it an honest go and I feel the same way, then yeah, I will. But I'm not going to settle either and eventually destroy some poor sweet man who I will suck into my web and suck the life out of. I truly won't pull that nonsense if it is someone I fall head over heels for. Love will make the difference. And I will wait. I love my work. I love my children. I love many other things.
and I'm going to love playing on the computer all night after I complete my goal of transcribed research articles and a reformatted presentation for my class tomorrow afternoon all about paraphrasing and research and all sorts of other fun and wonderful things!
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