Sometimes

Sometimes it starts off as an indescribable feeling.

Sometimes it settles in the pit of your stomach.

Sometimes you feel as if it is just everything catching up with you.

Sometimes it is just something that you cannot explain.

There have been a number of different things going on over the past month or so. It's funny isn't it? The way things seem to finally be settling down and then BAM
everything is in your face?

I don't really even know where to start. I survived the holidays this year, which were chaotic albeit lovely. My relationships with everyone have changed as I have morphed into a young adult woman and some of these are quite delightful. I do enjoy some of my relatives. I really love my sisters.

But as they say, what doesn't push you apart only makes you stronger. I can say that we have definitely been pushed and pulled all over the place. When does it stop?

The other day I wanted to write a reflection of my life over the past year. Mayhaps I will, mayhap I won't, but everything has changed.

I always feel like before I get the chance to ever fully settle and just compound upon myself, there is always something or another going on that draws my attentions and my emotions and my time and energy. I just want to be. I just want to be happy.

And I have totally been happy, it's just that it hurts more when everything goes sour when you are at a point of wonderfulness. When everything seems to just be great.

I'm doing this thing right now which involves me blogging when I am in kind of a sour mood. This is that disclaimer. I try to be a positivist. I could be a dreamer and a planner for a reality that isn't quite reality. I might be... But in any case, today has just been one of those really off days for me. I can feel it. I can feel how it is affecting every part of my being. I don't like it. I know that tomorrow will be a new and better day and I will wake up in a different state. But today just kind of really sucked. I got some negative news. I truly am grasping that I have to buckle down on somethings. I'm worried. I'm frustrated. I'm conflicted. And my body is sore on top of that from yoga workout weekend.

Mondays suck sometimes. Even Marilyn had a sucky day at school. 

Let me say my piece on yoga. (since it was just mentioned and while I'm thinking about it). It is wonderful. I learned how to breathe and balance many years ago but I never officially associated that with anything other than common sensical knowledge. Breathing is amazing. I once went to a workshop with my mom all about how to put yourself in a meditative state by controlling your breathing and learning to relax your body. It was a very spiritual thing too, but in any case, breathing is awesome. Last summer I was running and even a bit this summer but it is really hard on my body even though afterwards it feels amazing and sometimes I just want to run. I have a lot of energy. But yoga is a combination of so many wonderful things all at once. You are within a small area (on and around your mat).
[side note, I just re-read that last paragraph and I realize my need for different adjectives and describers. I am not going to change it even though I realize I sound like a teenage girl. I don't care. That's just how happy yoga makes me, it is indescribable with specific words]
Anyhow, yoga is relaxing and meditative and energizing and spiritual and a workout and a rest all at the same time. All on one little mat.  What else does that all within an hour?

Plus, I am learning how to do some really fun poses. Every new one I come across and learn is a personal achievement and feels wonderful. I finally got the headstand down!
It took me forever to dig this up on the Internet but I did this one the other day in class and it was spectacular. My sister saw it. I don't remember quite what it is called but it involved some deep stretches and wraping my arms around myself and hopping up and balancing.


 I definitely couldn't do that with running :D

When I do go running though, I end up with a view such as this:



Ha ha ha, I just image searched that and even looking at pictures of yoga makes me feel good. Positive association.

What else makes me happy? My children. My cats. Macaroni and cheese. Vegetable soup. My bed. My research. Flowers. My piano. The Sims. The Office. Tiny robots. Chocolate. Delicious smelling candles. Water. Love.

So if I'm found playing the Sims and working on research in a tasty candlelit room with my cats and children eating macaroni and cheese and vegetable soup and chocolate and water, do not be surprised.

There has to be a balance somewhere. All of the nonsense life delivers to us has to be countered by some goodness and happiness.

Is whatever coming going to be that big?

I hope so.