This is what I want

I'm not crazy. It just takes random wisdom to help things congeal and clear up. I know what I want.


I want someone who:

• likes me for me
• knows when hugs are perfectly timed
• knows me for myself and loves me nevertheless
• can live with my mess
• loves my children
• loves my pets
• will be my stay-at-home husband who will always be able to follow his dreams and passions and do as he pleases so long as he supports my educational and career aspirations and prioritizes our family
• will let me openly cast my attentions upon him
• can communicate his thoughts and feelings and dreams and goals and wishes
• is content following my lead, sometimes, but who never hesitates to take charge when needed
• is kind and sweet and thoughtful and caring
• will call me out on my shit, kindly and in a way that I am receptive to
• will make me laugh
• likes tattoos 
• doesn't like to fight
• wants to make me happy

 *Although this is a much more general list, I am not attracted to every possible man who may possess these characteristics and that's just fine because I don't have to because I have to let my heart take charge over my mind.

I've been thinking and I know I come to new realizations all of the time, but I think I had the right idea all along.

Here I've been waiting for some perfect man to come and sweep me off my feet. It doesn't come down to a list of skills or attributes. I mean, I think to some extent it does, because that is an outline of things that I find attractive in a person, but that doesn't really make a difference at the end of the day when you are seeking a life partner you will be happy with forever. I'm not just looking for a lover or a husband to provide for me, I'm looking for someone to love for the rest of my life. Someone who will love me now and when I'm thirty and forty and fifty and sixty. Someone who loves me for me, as silly or stupid, or any of the other ways that I get. I'm young and still learning and growing and I will continue to morph into a dynamic woman. But there are bound to be some major bumps up ahead, if its anything like the road that's come before but I don't want to travel that road alone. I really don't. I feel also like I have been reaching a new point of stability and still, this is a huge part of my life that is lacking. I want someone to love.

I need someone who doesn't mind my quirks and loud breathing, my stupid jokes and weird sense of humor. The fact that I actually have really boring hobbies and I'm nerdy intellectual more often than not.

I need someone who is willing to listen. Who wants to listen. I want someone I want to listen to, sometimes I think people talk too much or feel obligated to, but I don't ever want us to run out of available conversation  even if there is nothing much we feel like saying sometimes. Like two old people on a bench, I just want someone who enjoys my company and I enjoy theirs.

I want someone who accepts my flaws and can laugh about life as it happens, even when it gets messy, because I seem to break a lot of shit in my kitchen.

I want to fall head over heels in love, and I know I can, I've done it before and I know what it is like to give it your all. I want a man that will gladly and willingly receive it. Even if he's shy about it. I have a lot of love to give.

I want someone who will stand by my side and be there for me as much as I would be be there for them. Actions speak louder than words.

I want a gentleman who knows how to behave and is a rational and thoughtful person. I want that gentleman to know when to be a brute though, and I'm not going to get anymore specific than that.

I want someone who understands me and has patience, because goodness knows I am majorly lacking.

I need someone who is good at math.

I need someone who isn't going to judge me for anything that I've done in my past or anything that I do in my present. I need someone who will always have my back and will support the decisions I make and help me to figure out the decisions I can't make on my own. And who won't demean me for any wrong decisions I make. Everyone makes mistakes.

I want someone who would never want to hurt me. In return, I would never hurt him. 

I need someone who thinks differently than me and can call out holes in my reasoning and logic without seeming overbearing or like a know-it-all.

I want someone who is willing to take over the other side of things. I can't do it all on my own and I have lifestyle preferences and most families have someone to cover the domestic side of things, which in application is far more work than any outside-of-the-home career could provide, when done meticulously. I know that I have done that side of things before and I do not necessarily care for it as much as I prefer being a provider, and so yeah.

 I want someone I can't stand to be without, who can't stand to be without me.

Here I've been looking for this tall scoop of wonderfulness that can do everything and is near perfect, and I've met a lot of men who fit the bill, or come pretty close to it,  but something or another doesn't seem to work. It never works even though I thought I was following the right recipe. But I think I was using the wrong ingredients and that's what my problem has been the whole time. I am a large believer in everything happening for a reason and you know, series of events and such.  And I swear if I hear one more person ask how I'm still single, I don't know. I do know, I'm holding out. I'm not going to be some reckless heartbreaker and I value love and what kind of seriousness that possesses. I have too much at stake also to make a poor choice in this matter and it isn't necessarily the hypotheticals that keep me hopping as much as it is just how I am and the adventure of my life. I don't want an overbearing man who feels obligated to provide for me.I don't want someone to feel burdened by taking care of my children and all that children and a life with children entail. I don't want someone to resent me for feeling obligated to take care of me. 

Besides that, I don't think I want a man who is going to provide for me, I'm doing okay on my own, although it does get tough, but lots of families survive on one income and more likely than not I'll make more money eventually anyhow. Do I really need a man to take care of my bills and expenses when I'm doing ok? Nope.
 Before I get way off track, I suppose my whole point is I just want to love someone and if he loves me he'll take what I have to offer him. And what do I have to offer? A lot. I want a man who will let me take care of him. I want a man wife who will let me provide for him and in return he can love me and just be wonderful and make my world that much more of a better place to be in. I don't think that's too much to ask for. That the man I would chose to love and support just be around to make my life a little bit better, and I don't think it would be that difficult really. I can compromise on lots of things, I know what I find attractive, and I know if I fall in love I would be willing to compromise anything for that person.

The thing is as well, that no one is perfect. No one. I sure am not perfect at all, and I never really thought about how limiting my expectations could be.







I just want a man with dishpan hands to love when I get home from work.