Wanting to Love and how to Let it Go

I love love love Love. 

And it is okay to love. To fall in head over heels. To express it in every way I can: with words, with actions, with gifts, with thoughts. 

I am not afraid of the lack of reciprocation. I've been there before. 

I'm afraid of holding it in and hiding it. Of missing that chance and that opportunity to bask in it.

It is too much of a beautiful thing to pass by and I will take it when I see it. But I won't steal it. Can it be stolen? I know it can be earned but love is a language not a currency. I can't take it from others though without it being freely given. 

I need to let go of all my wants. I dot expect but lately I've been wanting. Waning. 

I've been feeling very human lately. Getting funny urges to do silly things I don't do anymore. 

I wanna get shit faced drunk and dance all sexy in the shortest thing I own. I wanna make out. A lot. I wanna feel a man's hands all over my body. I want my hair pulled. Hard. I wanna punch someone in the face. I wanna ride a motorcycle. Fast. I wanna smoke a pack of cigarettes. I wanna eat meat. Lots and lots of it. With mustard. I wanna break in and steal back the rock that is mine. I wanna steal lots of things and just take them with sheer force of will. I wanna wanna wanna wanna yeah 

Most of all I want all of this to subside. I want to be the good chaste kind sweet loving peaceful woman that I am. I don't wanna give in. 

It's like if I blossom too early in vain it will all be for naught? 

I don't want to wilt again. I just wanna love. 

Let it go. Live. Love. Grow. 

I've got a long ways to go.