Fleeting and not meant to be read as a flow

I like being the first one up in the house in the morning.

This is my time. The time during which my body is AWAKE and there's no going back to sleep. Not right yet. This is when I get everything done.

Probably because no one is around.

Heh.

My child is off to school again. I miss them when they are gone. I wish they could stay home all of the time. But school is important and I know that and I have to send her so off she goes.

The other one sleeps. She will crawl out of bed at some point.

But it is cold, and there is FINALLY some snow outside.

Today I think I am finally going to go get a haircut.

This I have been telling myself since before the wedding, maybe since sometime during the summer. I have vague memory of the last time anyone else cut it. I cut my bangs myself whenever I get the urge. I'm getting the urge again for some bangs.

Plus, I go back to work next week, I have to take a new driver's license photo, I applied for a promotion of sorts, I have lots of new things going on where I am meeting and moving forward. I should just take the hour and get a haircut. Why is this such a difficulty?
Because I don't care, I'm just supposed to care for other people.

I have really decided that I want to grow my hair out super long like an elven princess warrior and I will braid things into it. I don't braid things into it now, but my excuse is that it is not long enough yet. I am growing it out.

Such is my dilemma.

I love my beautiful man. I was thinking and just gloriously happy about him this morning. How did I come across this piece that fits so perfectly? It is just him I think.

It is a preternatural story of course.

This is my life. It is wonderful moving forward. So long as I am productive and live within in. I am the force that moves the wheels. My love is the oil between the grinding gears. How well does this machine work? What can it really do?

Other things, I pray, time will tell and a balance will be found. I will bloom and bare fruit. My house and home will grow. I am morphing, always. Maybe I have to be at the next level? Everything within us is always a part of us and has all of the memories and experiences and feelings of us running through it all of the time, and these include the parts which replicate our beings, my ovaries are bathed in my experiences. Maybe this future child is waiting for some spectacular thing from me before it becomes itself into the world? Maybe I'm supposed to be supremely good in some way so it has the experience ingrained within its sequences of DNA?

Maybe this future child is just supposed to get a better life and a better deal out of the whole family situation and is waiting for the most opportune time to show up.

That's one theory.

Or maybe it is this that is going wrong. Or maybe it is that. Is it him? It is me? Is it a combination of several things? Is this a scientific hiccup? Notch off one more mark for the record. 

He walks around, blatantly, in evening, sometimes right in front of whatever I am doing, in a parade of ways, to show me, 'Look. I am taking my vitamins. Don't you see?' It is all unspoken conversation at this point. Maybe someday things will change.
He doesn't realize, sometimes, I'm almost grateful for the shenanigans of the cats at night that keep us waking up sporadically. The girls sleep through the night now.

Breathe.

What will be will be.

In other news, one friend is leaving town. For how long? We will see. I will always send him my best and whatever help I can give. Unfortunately, he is leaving the day we *should* be getting the keys to the new house!!! and he was supposed to be my painter and help me move a bunch of stuff. Oi vey.

Sometimes I like how it feels to be responsible and in charge. Nothing really seems to shift or move without me. I also make the biggest messes, but everything is under my direction, at least at home.

My book and cards and appearing in my head. I am getting the instructions for how to make them, which means that they will be coming sooner than later, but I can't rush anything.

And sooner than later I will *probably* have a ton of house stuff and a bathroom to design!!! I have also seen and felt my future bathroom and I know what I'm supposed to do and how certain things are supposed to look! It makes the whole process much easier when you get the point of doing it, because there are always decisions that need to be made about things and someone, namely me, is the one who it comes down to making the decision.

These are my thoughts for right now, for today, for this moment

They are fleeting and not meant to be read as a flow.

'It seems to have snowed.'

Beautiful man is awake.

Part 3 of my day has begun.

Hooray.

He has discovered the bonanza of cords I have placed in an array of mess all over the big chair :D

heh heh heh heh