This Child

This child is an exercise in patience.
This child is an exercise in pain.
This child is an exercise of new know, ledge.

I never imagined this journey the way it is and has been.

That's ok.

With a clear minded rationale at this point, having labored for days now, hopefully there will be new information presented today that will provide reassurance.

I am trying not to lose hope.

I am in a lot of physical pain.

I didn't think that getting married would shift so many things and bring so many changes.

I didn't think I would get so sick from all of it, or that it would be such a physically demanding thing.

This entire pregnancy has been it's own novel of experiences I've never had, this labor (and impending birth) are unlike anything.

Somehow I, with the help of this long-awaited son of mine, are making new categories of being, just by what we do.

I love him very very very much.

I wish he would get here soon.

He is proving to be not only stubborn, like his mother, but also slow and methodological, like his father.

I want my pelvis back to myself. My shakey, unstable, over stretched pelvis. I want to run. I want to roll over. I want to walk. I have only managed a waddle for months.

I can't say I'm evicting him, because that seems forceful and harsh, but I've made my preferences clear to him, and I don't think he's the type who is going to be rushed.

It has been such a long long long weekend and today will continue on in that trend. Today is a restful day though, a day for finishing crafts and taking time for myself until my examination this afternoon. I would love to make a chiropractor appointment, since that is the stem of my most severe physical woes, but I think it wise to wait until after I find out what the midwives have to say. The acupuncturist wouldn't see me as I'm too much of a liability at this point. I can't even convey how discouraging and upsetting that was.

I'm sick of drinking tea and tincture, I deserve an award for pumping my not-primed nipples, and also for laboring SINCE FRIDAY with contractions that can pick up to every 2-3 minutes (if I pump) but usually stick it out around every 10 minutes or so, give or take, pick up or fizzle out.

There's more to the puzzle than I'm providing within this post, more revolving pieces to things.

Right now I am good, I am calm, I am tired. I just took the children off to school, husband went to work today, I am home alone. I have baby things to make today, I would like to finish these things today. He's not in any rush, so I've run out of excuses.

What will be will be. So shall it be.
Amen.