My husband is cooking the family dinner, my squealy boy is happily playing with his sister in the living space, I have yucky calming mother's milk tea in my cup in front of me.
All is well.
A quick update and a note of frustration, the ultrasound results came back.
Normal. Absolutely normal and positive on their end.
I waited a few days to give the Drs office a moment to look through them.... they weren't very comfortable to have done on my end and I didn't want them to rush through the results, so when I finally spoke to an assistant on the phone and the results were nada, I was a little dumbfounded. I asked if it could be a hernia then, would that have appeared on the scan? Is that a possibility even? I said the pain is still there, it still hasn't gone away, what should I do then? She said she would call me back. She did, and a female dr I don't recall speaking to gave her word for a recommendation for counseling and that I had been given referral to the in-house holistic dr.
Great. Except the in-house holistic dr hadn't even begun working at the practice and had no start-date in sight... and why was I referred for counseling, for WHAT?
Then she curtly asked if I wanted a recommendation to a General Surgeon for my inquiry about the hernia and astounded I was silent for a long moment while trying to process the conversation that just happened. I declined however.
My mom had been over the day before, and it says something at this point in my life for me to put so much stock in her opinions, but she is a licensed nurse and has been my whole life, so she knows something I suppose, and one of her ex boyfriends she still pals around with is a now retired Internal Medicine dr, and I highly regard his opinions, and I know she gossips, but anyhow I asked her if that could be a possibility and I let her prod and poke the specific place that hurts on my stomach part atleast and she was like, yeah, totally-- then she told me a story about her own stomach issues which I hadn't been fully aware of and GREAT JUST GREAT I'VE INHERITED STOMACH GENETICS OF AWFULNESS because my grandmother then revealed within the week that the precise same part of her stomach also would hurt and ache from stress!
So that's one part of the equation and after a wonderful amazing trip to my chinese dr I'm back on the resolve of the warm foods that don't upset my body resolve and lots of warm mush and trying to avoid things that will disrupt my stomach healing
Life has sprung forward into action lately though... with my business, with my teaching, with my nonprofit, and I have many people suddenly seeking me out of the woodwork of being, like suddenly the past few years haven't happened or they have or something, but some major circuitry has completed and things are progressing forward right now so entirely quickly. I don't feel bogged down or overwhelmed either, I feel like I've got this, I'm on top of this.
I was reading through this giant book of Natural Living things I have bouncing around the house and I was excited to stumble upon a picture step by step instruction process of the same exact stretches I have been relishing in my once a week deep yoga class-- which I feel has been entirely beneficial and a good way I have been able lately to connect with my truer deeper internal self... the one who hasn't seriously stretched since the time I began to take on all of this weight. I know now is the time to assimilate and to move forward.
I adore my children and I'm excited for the deal of the V-Tech train I found ($7 OMG I still can't get over what a find of a year that haul was!) but the smells of dinner waft up the stairs and all I hear is this chugging song and M's noises at MK and his happy toddlerness.
And he's walking now. Proudly confidently walking. His infancy has been but a blur.
My thoughts of my own are slipping away and more often than not by the end of the day I feel like a bowl of spaghetti of brains.
But all is well and is better. It continues to get better and what resistance I face is simply stronger winds from higher up the mountain where I have found myself.
I simply continue to evolve, you see, and this version of myself is not so unrecognizable from previous versions
I am better, I am bigger, I am older
But I am still me
Underneath the weight of it all, underneath the seriousness my role as manager and mother
I'm still me, more me the more I breathe, more me than I've ever been
I still have so much more beauty inside. More I work to par down all of the unnecessary and I work through to complete all the various things I've started, the more my resources, my time ,my everything can be dedicated to letting my true light shine
I hope they didn't take the train out of the package, I had plans to put that on the rug in here once I got the room cleared out
and oh boy that cauliflower smells good. I'm so glad I taught him that recipe. I'm so blessed he cooks for me. o o o it's dinner time
My thoughts are always torn between the practical and the Divine
All I can do is polish my thoughts and not let anymore bad emotions burn me out, burn me down
Oh, in that book I was talking about, the stretches in there, they had a whole Japanese elemental system correlating with the body where the stretches would affect and the emotions that were built up
The part I need to stretch the most, the part that hurts, is the same line that affects my stomach, is the same line that is 'Wood' that stacks up and gets stiff because of anger and resentment
Why didn't I read this book before? Months ago? The answer was kicking it around my house this whole time and it took me getting to yoga two weeks in a row and randomly finally flipping through a book to recognize the answer
So I'm going to stretch it out. Flex it out. Physically. Professionally. Spiritually.
I got this.
Michelle5.0
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