Sunday

Firstly, I want to say thank you to everyone who has sent a donation. I can’t tell you how much gratitude I feel towards you all at this moment. Every penny makes a difference and all of the little bits add up.

I have combined my two original documents into one so that way you do not have to dig and dig to find them.

This is the link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AMAXQOEx6xpTa1NdMNsEf4kvmuvrjlOhTe03UG3AizQ/edit?hl=en_US&authkey=CNjy-oQC

This contains both of my updates. From here on out, updates will be posted to this blog. The information that I’m providing is not extremely explicit and there is nothing that goes too much into detail. I’m well aware of posting things on the Internet and matters of privacy. These are just the bare basics of the information.

I know that this is a difficult situation but I’m a strong believer that you get what you put out there and that everything happens for a reason because it is all a bigger part of God’s plan. I just wish I knew what the plan was in this instance.

There haven’t been any new developments since I last posted. It’s a holiday weekend. I don’t expect that anything new will emerge until Tuesday, and how things go, I have to work and his classes begin on Tuesday. Wednesday is a full day as well with appointments and I get to visit the girls! I’m hoping these next few days will fly by.

I spoke with Marilyn on the phone twice yesterday. The first time she chatted away about all sorts of things, however the second time I spoke with her the majority of the 45 minute phone call was her pleading to come home or for me to come and pick her up. Please please please please please. I don’t even know what to tell her. I just tell her that I want her to come home too but right now we have to be patient and be strong and be brave and that God will take care of us. Every time that she asks about Mark I just tell her that he’s out of state racing the race cars. I told her that I have some Hello Kitty tattoos for her and she’s sooo excited about that. She did carry on for 20 minutes though because I told her we have to give one to Mallory and she doesn’t want Mallory to have ANY of her Hello Kitty tattoos. She doesn’t want to share the phone either, so I usually don’t even really get to speak with Mal for more than a minute, all Mal says is hi. I can hear her chattering and signing in the background though and she sounds content. I hear them fight and whine while they’re on the phone too. I even miss that!

I’m practicing her prayers with her over the phone. Recently she memorized the whole Lord’s Prayer (Mal picked up on most of it too) through 2x a night reading of this gorgeously illustrated Thomas Kinkaid picture book. She’s still got most of it remembered thankfully.

I’m worried about all of the influences that they will be subjected to until they are back home. Already she was talking all about Spongebob and Yo Gabba Gabba, which although I understand many people like, I don’t usually let them watch. I suppose it isn’t too different than when Mark lets them watch shows he thinks they should watch (which usually I do not agree with…. Super Mario Brothers, Ahh! Real Monsters and such…. [thanks Netflix]) But I really try hard to influence them positively and turn them into nice little girls. (Not saying that certain cartoons will make them brats, but I try to find age-appropriate shows that express positive values and good behaviors without villains).

I’m pretty sure that all of the training I have been doing with Mallory as far as going on the potty and wearing underpants will be out the door. She was making excellent progress too, but this is how it goes.

I miss them. I miss them all day. But I miss them the most at bedtime. The only reason I even learned to cook was to feed my children, and I regularly cook (and have graduated from my Hamburger Helper exclusive days). I miss dinner time, and bath time and when they run around and jump on my bed naked before they get their pajamas on. I miss their rush to get their pajamas on after I tell them whoever gets dressed first gets to pick out the first bedtime story. I miss our bedtime stories (I still have a gajillion books next to my bed that I have to return). I miss the songs that we all sing (They both still remember the words, Marilyn sang to me ‘Meet me in St. Louis, Louie’ the other day over the phone and she remembers every word with clarity and every voice inflection in the song.) I miss our bedtime prayers and how we say goodnight. I miss lying next to them while they go to sleep. I miss the sweetness when we would wake up in the mornings on the weekends together and just hang out in bed. I miss Mallory pulling out my earrings while I was half-asleep. I miss Mallory’s good morning songs that she would sit on me and sing. I miss everything about them.

A friend of mine last night needed a babysitter and so I watched her two boys (3 and 1). It made me miss my girls even more, but I’m a natural at this mothering stuff and I truly love children. I got the chance to spend time with them before they went to bed and then I put them to bed, it made me feel a lot better to put my habits into practice. I just feel like I have so much love that pours out of me to my children and it’s so misplaced now, it has nowhere to truly go. I can love everyone else’s children in the meantime. So local friends and family, I’ll take over bedtime for you! I’ve got some skills and I know a wide variety of lullabies and bedtime prayers and everything good. I’m also quite skilled with the bedtime stories I will say.

Mark is hanging in here the best that he can. He’s got it harder than I do, since he’s the one facing such serious allegations. He can’t even talk to them on the phone or see them until this whole thing is resolved. He keeps worrying about going to jail and it is commonly known that people who commit sex crimes on children are treated specially in jail (not a good thing either). He’s not as strong as I am either and he’s having a more difficult time keeping himself together. I feel absolutely terrible.

He truly is a great father. I’m usually an emotional blogger (if you have read any previous posts) and although things between him and I are not always smooth, he has always been good to his girls. He left his full time retail job in February and since then he’s been home a lot more, he’s been helping out a lot more, he takes the girls to and from daycare most days, and he’s had more time to spend with the girls. He takes them outside to play and will even let the neighbor kids over to jump around and play in his truck and Jeep. He takes the girls for walks and will take them to the park. I can’t complain about his fathering skills, although in the past I wished I had more help, things have changed.

He's the type of dad that will set up treasure hunts all over our house and make little maps for them to follow. Quite regularly he will transform my living room into a monstrous fort with separate sections (using all of my blankets, pillows and various furniture...usually I complain about) and will play in there with them for hours. He makes them culinary concoctions that while I would NEVER eat them, the girls gobble it up. He makes them special popcorn with cheesey flavoring and chips mixed in (Marilyn actually requests her popcorn to be made like this now). He does all of these little things for these girls because he's absolutely crazy about them. He picked out their names and even planned out Mallory so that they could be close in age.

Here are some recent pictures of Mark with the girls:

He's a great father and if I had ever doubted that for a second, he would have been gone a long time ago.