Another long weekend

This weekend will be another long weekend. Another weekend without the girls.

Now the case is getting transferred to new people and of course they are taking their sweet slow time with it. We're hoping to hear something "early to mid next week". Which is truly bullshit because we were assured at the last meeting that "Tuesday by the latest". Of course, we have already dealt with three different supervisors on this, and the caseworker's immediate supervisor just got back into office on Tuesday. Do they know the impact this is having on my children? Do they realize the impact on my family?

I keep praying and at this point it just feels like this is all going to last forever. I don't think we even had a chance when these people appeared into our lives. The more and more I go over the details of things and the facts, the odds were stacked up against us from the beginning. If I had only known. But I didn't. And now I definitely do. I'm learning this lesson in a very hard way.

Everything is taking way too long.

The girls sound good when I talk to them on the phone. Marilyn still asks to come home but she's very sweet and tells me about the pictures she has colored for me and for daddy (I got flowers, daddy got a yellow truck). She told me how she picked flowers for me. She's even more cheerful and is singing songs with me again. I haven't spoken with Mallory in quite awhile, although sometimes I do hear her next to Marilyn talking and singing and whatnot.

Three weeks is a long long time to not see your children. They aren't going to be the same children they even were when I last saw them. Three weeks is a long time for them to go without love. It makes me think of some of the things Marilyn tells me over the phone. She doesn't want to be a good girl, she just wants to be a happy girl. She told me she missed me and that no one there loves her.

This is killing me, and I know it's even worse for the girls. They are the one who have been ripped away from their family and thrown into a completely foreign environment and they don't know why.

So this will be another long weekend. Again.