Another Pretrial

Things have been going very good with the girls.

So far since I last posted (goodness I don't recall when I last posted) but things have been well.

The girls are happy. Marilyn saw a counselor the other day, she does have A TON of anxiety and was freaking out when I told her we were going to go talk to a nice lady. (Remember, last time I told her that they took her away? She's no dummy and she sure doesn't forget a lot of things).

She seems to be believing that we have bugs in the house and that's why she can't come home. She really misses her dad and she talks about him every day but she knows that he's busy making money and racing and working on the cars out of state. She accepts these things because they are plausible. I think even an adult might buy into them, so at least I have woven a believable web of lies for her to think for the rest of her life.

The counseling went fine. I have to pay out of pocket because they took the girls off of the state HMO and put them on straight medicaid, and anyone who knows anything about state issued insurance knows that working with straight medicaid is nothing but a huge pain. Another woman from a different organization will be coming for a home visit with the girls on Thursday.

Tomorrow we have another pretrial in the afternoon. I am hoping that the attorneys will be able to see the documentation that CFS does not want to let them have because it is "priveleged" and there is still an ongoing investigation. However, I spoke with the detective the other day, and our investigation is at a stand-still because he has been waiting over 3 weeks for documentation on their end from the hospital from a dr who never even spoke with or examined Marilyn, just witnessed her reaction.

I'm quite salty.

On the other end, there are other issues going on in my life that I have suddenly been thrust into. A family member is on her way towards rock bottom. I would hope that she'll be there soon at least so that she can start to get better. I won't over elaborate, but it's a situation that I try to distance myself from that I am overly involved with at this point.

My favored great uncle also just had a heart attack and is in critical condition. He is 95 years old and quite the tough cookie to phrase it politely. He's a wonderful old man and I feel terribly, I hope it is not his time just yet. He had almost 100% blockage of the arteries and his body actually created paths around the blockage prior to this heart attack.

As far as my personal life, retail therapy always works semi wonders. I have never before had this much time to myself without children or a man around. What do I do? I play on the computer. I don't like movies as much as I did. I don't even talk on the phone really because I usually don't have time until late in the evening. This isn't quite the life I imagined myself ever having, but I realize this is just the beginning of a new chapter. I didn't realize the old chapter was ending. I've alluded to such things in previous blogs that are no longer around, but this is a concept I grasp to as I grow and improve upon my choices and living conditions.

I cannot control what happens to me, I can only control how I react to it. I feel that everything is part of a bigger picture and it can't continue to be terrible, maybe this is just the opportunity for all of the negative and dysfunctional aspects of my life to cease and improve? I hope so. I am like a butterfly emerging from my crystalis and ready to take flight. I don't think I'm fully there quite just yet, but I think that now and in the next couple of years I will be faced with life-altering decisions that will truly impact the rest of my life and my future happiness. What shall I choose to do?

Pray for tomorrow to be a day of revelations and negotiations. My child has never exhibited sexualized behaviors ever and I'm infuriated at this web of nonsense that has been weaved from someone who obviously has no idea what she is doing. I love my children, and only want the best for them. I'm raising little ladies, not just little girls. They will follow whatever example I lead them by, as well as the morales and opinions I fill them with. They are good little girls who don't always want to listen, but they are smart and sweet and soooo funny, nothing horrible has ever happened to them until they were ripped away from their parents. Mallory seems fine, but I worry about Marilyn with her anxiety. She knows much more than you cold think, I just hope in time that this will all sink deep within her memory and be filled with happy childhood memories that aren't subject to other things.

I also have to say that they have been doing very well with getting back to our usual routine. Marilyn was rushing to eat dinner and I reminded her about her prayers and she rattled it off as fast as she could and then started eating. At bedtime this evening I said prayers with Marilyn, which she has almost memorized again, and after we finished Mallory expressed that she wanted to say prayers as well. Mallory is talking in full sentences at this point and it's quite amusing to me because some of it is still unrecognizable baby talk, however, it is in proper sentence structure. She's really not a baby anymore and is more advanced language-wise than Marilyn was at this age. Maturity wise I'm not sure, Marilyn always seemed a bit ahead, developmentally she's on track. I think Mallory has had a lot of advantages in some areas whereas Marilyn had more individualized attention and praise in others. They are both so wonderful and silly and truly wonderful little girls. They haven't been listening over the past couple of days, which is typical but highly frustrating. One of my favorite parts of today was when Marilyn stole the box of Hello Kitty Bandaids which I had ran home to pick up and she put them away in the desk drawer in her room and pulled them out when I was looking for them. She had taken them out of my purse. Oh goodness. Mallory also requests that I sing her the "babies" song. I don't really know WHAT the "babies" song is but I sing her the 'Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do' song but I replace daisy with "babies". They are such good little girls. Marilyn is really taking to Betsy, my sister's shin-poo dog, and it's really really cute. Mallory is relearning her potty training and in the past few days since I've started the potty videos, she's really doing quite well again. My goal for her is by her 2nd birthday at the beginning of September that she will be fully potty trained (minus nights because that takes more time).

This is quite an experience for both of them, but they are happy, they love each other and me and they love their grandpa. They are getting used to his house and have scoped out the candy spots and the snack spots. Marilyn is already working the dvd player and Mallory is attempting the PS3.

So pray good things for tomorrow and this week for us! It's going to be a big week!