Thank You Universe

I am not perfect.

There are many things that create this human part of me- my attitudes and opinions, my feelings and reactions- pretty much everything. And that's okay. I chose a human body for this experience this time around. I came here to accomplish SOMETHING.

I just don't know what yet.

I've been going through a lot lately. A lot of major changes are taking place and my whole being and life is being restructured.

There's a lot going on with my family life and my mom and my sister. All good things in a way. Reminders from the Universe to keep on top of it and continue helping out in whatever available ways.

There's a lot going on with my relationship. Holy cow-- I'm getting married! I'm planning this huge wedding for like a gajillion people and I have just to finish addressing the envelopes and RSVPS to complete the first major task! It's falling together beautifully and everything is easy peasy. He gets stressed out doing anything with it-- and I'm realizing how careful and diligently nitpicky I can become when faced with any lack of knowledge on a mind project of my creation. They are beautiful. It is going to be beautiful. The date is in less than 6 months. Less than 5 months. He's going to be gone all summer.

It's also tumultuous when someone first moves in with you and there are all of these major stressors all over the place and you warned him--did you forget to warn yourself?-- what did you really think that you were getting into? is it worth it? yes. Were you expecting any of this? Craving it? Craving it but expecting it no- I always go forth and forward without expectation but merely attempt to fine tune as I come across things in my path. I don't like to leave things in the air or unsettled and I would rather myself address issues immediately. I feel so terrible and like a complete nag for reasons which I feel are absolutely valid reasons but I feel like a jerk calling them out. I'm a basket of life and always have things going on and I don't want to be this vicious whirlwind of a force that completely sucks him in.

I told him that it feels like we just decided to take this island adventure vacation and we know where we're going and it's going to be a beautiful place and we've just boarded upon this large boat and now we just found out we are a little seasick. We will adjust- things take time- and isn't it better to be adjusting and working towards something new and beautiful and larger instead of sitting back wanting a change? We're doing it. This is life.

I'm 26 years old now. It's coming up on the 3 year anniversary since everything fell apart. 3 years later. What have I become?

The girls are well- M1 is thriving in the first grade. She can read. It's not such a struggle (but oh boy is she sure bad at math!) and nature and animals and science are TOTALLY her thing! It's kind of super neat to have a child who is so interested and innately intutitive and skilled at working with animals and nature. She's so sweet and thoughtful and honest and introverted and sweet and shy and wonderful. M2 is a little boss. She is very assertive and knows exactly what she wants- until you see- she doesn't quite know.

Lately there's just been so much and maybe I just haven't had any time for myself really at all lately-- but I'm finally starting to feel a little bit better about all of the changes. I don't like being affected by outside people though and there's been a lot of that going on lately and I haven't really felt like myself.

There have also been a lot of really big life shifting decisions that are in place and in action and life is always a ride. It's very exciting and I'm very hopeful and excited finally for everything that is to come in my life-- it just feels like now has been a messy time and it's all in restructure towards something that is amazingly better.

Thank you for that Universe. Thank you.