Combust. Be Light.

I don't think that I am really good at anything.

But then again, I don't think it's worthwhile my time to do anything.

Which is silly I suppose.
Perhaps.

Maybe not so.

If I pray for the stillness of all things to settle; will it come? Will it sweetly slip into place?

Will I stop the torture that is more torture in and of itself than anything else I might actually be doing.

You see, the more I concentrate and react and focus on and bring up and perpetuate things-- the more I am drawing them into existence.

It is a choice.

So what better things are there to think of then?

Instead of the droll, the difficult, the damning?

Happiness.

It is easier to feel and be in the happiness and know that sometimes you can orient yourself slightly off in perception and then you see things you didn't really see before and you feel things differently than you did before and you think things that you didn't really think before and everything is totally and completely different than it was before. YOu know the happiness is there and that you are in it but now everything just seems different than it was before and you know all the while while you are in all of it that something is not the same and that everything feels different and so you are in it and having these ridiculous feelings of difference and yeah. That's what it is.

But I think the more that things are acknowledged, even gently, but that they are encountered, that they have room to push forward and through and to improve.

I have many areas in which I need to improve.

I have many things that I need to do.

I don't know if I will ever be the best at anything really. Probably not. It wouldn't matter compared to the other people within this world. I did not come here to compete.

What matters I suppose is the message I share and the way that I do it, which is lead by word and prayer and by example and in being a good role model.

And there are many ways I am a good role model, I suppose.

But there are many ways in which I am not.

And I must be a good role model to my children. And I know I could do better. I always have room to do better, but what else can I do? everything

just pluck on through and be the best you that you can be. for real. all waking up in the middle of the night worrying about vitamins and other nonsense like that. yeah, i think you're getting better. That's undoubtedly true, but there is always room for improvement. Always always room for improvement, so that's what we're going to do...something new....but maybe it's not really new at all, maybe it's what you've always thought about and wanted, so why are you so scared to move forward and just do it? Just do it. Manifest it. Create. Stop creating excuses for why not.

The Universe has carved a very clear path for you Michelle, absolutely indeed it has, and there are more can nots than cans and you've been placed in a unique position relative to most other people with your skills and abilities, you are supposed to do something specific, even if you haven't necessarily figured it out yet, because you keep getting distracted thinking you want to do all of these other things, because perhaps, at some time in some other lives you've lived you have been there and done that and you remember the wonderfulness and the draw. But in this life, you aren't going there, you don't need to, you have other things to do and to focus on.

You aren't very good at one thing because you're pretty decent at a lot of things. Sure there are things that you aren't very good at, but really who is to judge you but your Self and the ultimate truth as it all is known?

It isn't anyone's place to tell you what kind of person you are. You need to be aware of your effect on those surrounding you though. You must be more conscientious of how you treat them and how they feel and that it isn't fair of you to put them through the momentous minute changes you ride on your roller coaster of experiences and life and feelings and just being. You are an intense being. As far as he goes, he knows that you are intense, I think more often than not it confuses him, and I do think it also causes him untold amounts of emotional turbulence at most times. I am fucking ridiculous.

As far as the littles? They are made the same as me, don't hold terrible grudges, and roll with it. We love and let go easily. I love them intensely and they know it. I try to show it. {I could always show it more I think and be a better person and a more compassionate and caring mother who made more eye contact and listened more and read to them more, but I am confident that I am teaching them postive things and traits and ways of beings. The words that come out of their mouths are the same words I say, so my lectures are sinking in and [hopefully] affecting their internal moral codes. They know how to pray. Breathe. Drink water. Be. Eat healthily (i hope). Do yoga. Love. Forgive. Help others. Live.

Breathe. Be. Write.

Stop freaking out. Stop dwelling on the terrible stuff.

Combust.

Be Light.